i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
