Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
