Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
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