i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
