So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
