I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
