is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize
