What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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