Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Randomize
