Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Randomize
