i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Randomize
