No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Randomize
