So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Randomize
