Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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