I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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