when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
