I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
