Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
