did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
