Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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