True but thats because hes a fetus.
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
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