Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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