i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
