i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
