Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
this hospital has no fireball
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
