I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Randomize
