My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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