I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Randomize
