Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize
