I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
When are your genitals available?
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
