Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
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