He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
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