yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
