You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
only you would photoshop your dick
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Randomize
