Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
