My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
