the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
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