I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Randomize
