I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
