i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
