did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
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