Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
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