He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
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