just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
