I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
