Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
I think my moral compass just broke
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Randomize
