What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
