the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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