Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
