we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
