Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Randomize
